i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
