Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
