doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
