the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
