the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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