if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
