Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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