Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
