she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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