I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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