SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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