I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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