Yo dont text me then not text me
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
50% drunk capacity currently
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
