I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I am midnight drunk by noon
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
