Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
