when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
