He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
