just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
i now understand why vodka
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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