Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
don't judge my taste in strippers
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize