I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
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