if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
