Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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