I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
