youre lurking in front of me
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
