Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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