The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
