woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
