it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i think my tv is drunk
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
