I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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