I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
