If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
