i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
