Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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