Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
