I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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