Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize