Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
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