It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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