My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
i think my cat just said my name.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
