May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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