her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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