Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
