He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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