guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
