i just had sex bonerless
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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