We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
