Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
