you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize