you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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