A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
