She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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