White coat. Heels.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
