Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
no you cant smoke seaweed
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
third nipple confirmed
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
