U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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