Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
