i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
