i would punch a child for taco bell
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
