butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
