Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
