she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
