We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
