Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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